Today's Guest: Sarah Cunningham, Author of 'Dear Church'

It's a pleasure to have author, Sarah Cunningham with us here today.  Her book, "Dear Church: Letters From A Disillusioned Generation", recently hit the shelves and will likely do well -- especially among younger and younger-minded readers who have become disenchanted with the institutional church and yet desire to be people of passionate faith and devoted followers of Jesus.

I recently completed an interview with Sarah which we'll use to kick things off today.  Hopefully, you've gotten a chance to read or skim through her book, but even if you haven't,  feel free to post your questions or comments here for Sarah.  She'll be checking-in throughout the day to post responses, and the dialog promises to be excellent.

IN ADDITION... Sarah will be my guest for a special Skypecast this evening, at 7:00pm, Pacific (10:00pm, Eastern). This will be a great opportunity for you to ask questions and dialog with Sarah LIVE ( * a Skypecast is similar to a "conference call").  If you don't yet have Skype, you can get it here for free.

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Okay then, enough preliminaries.  Here's my recent interview with Sarah Cunningham:

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"Dear Church" is filled with twentysomething-related statistics.  What was it like for you personally, immersing yourself in studies and findings about you, and your generation?

Great question.  For a while, I lived in the books, scouring the library systems, college networks, and internet for anything and everything that had been written about my generation.  The result was bittersweet.  It was comforting and a little bit validating to realize I wasn't alone in some of my perceptions and struggles with organized religion.  And yet, at the same time, the fact that so many people strongly identified with my disillusionment was flat out sad. In the end though, the research served as fuel to press forward.  I began to see that if I stumbled upon an honorable approach for processing my own disillusionment, I might aid others in their own journeys beyond disillusionment.

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For twentysomethings involved in institutional churches, is it inevitable that "disillusionment happens"?  Is there something inherent in the DNA of all institutional churches that causes this, and if so, has it always been there?

Disillusionment is definitely part of the deal...in church and, of course, in life in general.  But I like that you hint at its timeless nature. Since the beginning of time, God has been outlining principles that lead us to the most fulfilling human existence--life as He intended it to be. However, historically, mankind has drifted on and off the path God spotlights, to suit our own convenience or pleasure.  Inevitably, as you say it, our results often fall short of God's intended life for us.  We end up short on  wholesomeness, on peace, on purpose, etc.

But while every generation has experienced disillusionment, and while every person experiences disappointment at some level, the intensity and duration of a person's frustrations may vary.  Some may barely blink at the low points in their church experience.  Still others may be completely sidelined.  Some of that has to do with the nature and scale of events that prompt the disillusionment and some of it has to do with how the person chooses to respond to letdowns.

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What role do the tenants of individualism play in creating and/or nurturing disillusionment with one's church?

In the church, individualism is a serial killer.  Individualism lures us in with promise of positives, nurturing an exaggerated sense of self-importance and personal rights.  But, if we become too immersed in it, individualism eventually tricks us into detaching from human community and worse yet, Christ himself.  In effect, individualism dismembers the church.

Especially in America, we are surrounded by encouragement to protect our individualism at all costs.  However, equal weight is rarely placed on discerning healthy boundaries as we pursue life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  For example, our own pursuits of happiness or accumulation of wealth etc. should not deplete another person or group's well-being. Our fullness should not be derived from emptying others.

But it is more difficult, internationally and in the church, to see the flip side of the coin, which suggests that sometimes I must allow my personal preferences to fade in order to benefit the whole.

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We live today in a culture of "victimization" and of "victim's rights."  Is this a factor in how twentysomethings are processing their disillusionment with the institutional Church, and why or why not?

I can't speak for everyone, but in my case, victimization was a factor. My frustrations were, at least at first, filtered through a sense of entitlement. I thought the church "owed" me a better, easier experience after my lifetime of membership.  This mentality allowed me to escape or postpone my own responsibility and, I am guessing, it unnecessarily prolonged my disillusionment.

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Local churches are undoubtedly "communities of flawed humans" - as you point out in the book. Does this change when it comes to alternative expressions of "Church"?  And if not, what dangers do such alternative communities of faith face?

You're opening the door for a crucial point here.  Alternative faith communities face the exact same dangers as the traditional church.  ANY approach to faith can become institutionalized. For example, if there is even an implied suggestion that "truly authentic churches should meet in homes," we institutionalize house churches.  If there is an implied suggestion that "truly relevant pastors should read Relevant Magazine," we institutionalize Relevant.

Now, of course, I don't deny that there are core habits and practices that DO produce spiritual growth.  Things like devotion to prayer, worship, study of Scriptures, and community.  But when we place rigid expectations that people pray at our 6 a.m. prayer services, that they buy up our recommended worship CDs, that they read our devotional materials, that they attend our Wednesday night services, we may short-circuit their otherwise natural tendency to pursue other experiences that God has customized for their growth.

The church must always--ALWAYS--guard against institutionalization.  It takes away from our love of personal transformation; our love of craftsmanship!  The assembly line method DOES get more products across the finish line, but in doing so, it often sacrifices quality.  Along with the good, it churns out more defects, poorer-workmanship, and less-original products.

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In your book, letters 11 and 12 offer solid suggestions for people to consider before leaving their local church.  What have your research and observations taught you about people who leave prematurely?

There isn't a great deal of research available about what happens AFTER people leave the church.  (Probably the data that hits closest to that mark is Barna's book, Revolution, which examines alternative faith movements.)

But I can tell you what makes sense to me logically, based on my own observations, and Biblically, based on the principles outlined by God. When we isolate ourselves from church--and by church, I mean all expressions of Christian community--we subtract from our own well-being. Relationships are vital for health.  Period.

Also, when we leave prematurely, that is, before trying to work out our frustrations, we cheat ourselves out of additional growth and maturity. And we also cheat the church out of the opportunity to respond and perhaps improve upon their own attempts to represent God to their surrounding community.

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In a similar vein to the suggestions you offer to those who are thinking of leaving their local church, what practical suggestions do you have for local churches who are facing the likely departure of twentysomethings from their congregations?

From a preventative perspective, church leaders would be wise to purposefully build and maintain relationships with people from a variety of age groups within the church.  If they do this, they will be more likely to catch potential problems and they will have more credibility when it comes to sorting them out.

Reactively, though, they would be wise to hear out the perspectives of members, regardless of age.  In this stage, I caution them not to assume their critic is an attacker...the disillusioned person may be speaking out of intense desire to see the church live up to its spiritual potential. The disillusioned may, in fact, be among the most willing to put large amounts of energy into solutions, if given the opportunity.

But, if church leaders have already demonstrated their commitment to relationships with twentysomethings, then I suggest there is also a time to challenge twentysomethings to rise above their disillusionment.

People are often surprised when I advise church leaders to push back against the concerns of twentysomethings.  I guess they expect me to protect myself and my peers.  But shielding us from time-worn wisdom is not really protective, is it?  There is nothing healthy or wholesome about slowly yielding to disillusionment and losing hope, while veteran Christians sit back and anticipate your drowning.

There is too much evil and complacency in this world.  Church leaders can't afford to be neutral or tentative in feedback regarding someone's spiritual health.  Instead, if jaded people are regurgitating the same disillusionment story, I think there is a time to point them beyond it.  "You know, I understand that some of these frustrations undermine the credibility of the church.  But, I find that it can be really unhealthy to dwell on the negatives.  It prevents you from seeing and participating in the good God is doing, despite our flaws.  How can I help you focus on the positive?"

Most twentysomethings speak to each other very bluntly and authentically, and even though they may not love to be corrected or redirected, you may be surprised at how easily they receive direction when it is offered with vision for a better, wiser future.

There were several people who, I think, tried to hint that I should "get over" my disillusionment.  But they hinted for the most part. They babied me, thinking they were doing me a favor.  Sometimes, I think the very best thing they could have done was to reach across the room and strangle me (lovingly of course) and tell me I needed to buck up and grow up...and then cast a vision for maturity and steadfastness that I could respond to. It may not have always sounded like it, as I was rambling, but I genuinely wanted someone to help me out of the stage I was in. 

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Most evangelical congregations have seemed to place far more emphasis on avoiding the dangers of "dead orthodoxy" (thought to haunt the halls of mainline denominations), than in embracing the ancient, orthodox practices of our Christian faith.  And yet, twentysomethings are increasingly participating in ancient forms of prayer, spiritual pilgrimages, and the joining of neo-monastic communities.  Why is this, and is there anything that institutional churches can learn from it?

Twentysomethings were raised in a media-driven culture and are naturally suspicious of stunts, ploys, and marketing campaigns crafted to get their attention.  For good or bad, we carry this suspicion with us into the spiritual arena as well.  So when we are confronted with new Christian trends and conferences and books pitched as the end-all-beat-all answers, we can't help but wonder if the movement at hand will have any lasting value or whether it will be one more flash in the pan.  Liturgy, on the other hand, speaks to us of a timeless, unchanging God who is not reliant on magic tricks or aces up the sleeve to get people into his congregations.  There is something proven, and therefore credible, about practices that extend back to ancient times.

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In congregations where Spirit-inspired "vision" is married to a "passion" to accept and care for people like Jesus did (e.g. the poor, the marginalized, the hurting), are twentysomethings more willing to live with their church-related disappointments and become less likely to leave?

Interesting question.  In my personal case, the answer is "yes," but I haven't studied this particular facet of disillusionment enough to be able to speak for the masses.

I will speculate a little though.  Logically speaking,  joining a church is somewhat similar to deciding to marry.  You realize, at least at some level, that your spouse/church is flawed. And although you hope your partner continually improves, you believe you can live with the flaws you are aware of.

Along these lines, there are likely some flaws that many twentysomethings would be willing to live with (a lack of polish, for example) and there are other flaws that twentysomethings would be FAR less likely to tolerate.  On this specific question, as a pretty reliable rule, twentysomethings value people from diverse groups.  And when there is tension between people and procedure, in most twentysomethings' minds, people should win out.

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When considering the plethora of shortcomings within the institutional church, one quickly feels overwhelmed. Is it possible, therefore, for either institutional churches or alternative communities of faith to sufficiently address all these things in order to become "all things to all people"?  Where should new faith communities begin?

While we should, as you noted, strive to be all things to all people, the key here is not eliminating all potential flaws or shortcomings.  That is a losing battle.  Instead, Christian communities would be well served to acquaint their people with the breadth of Biblical teachings that are instructive about how to rightly respond to hardship.  "As much as you try to prevent problems, they will come, be ready for it" is a better message because it promotes preparedness, more open communication, and receptiveness to outside help when problems do surface.

There is some wisdom, however, in being preventative by having ongoing honest discussions about the importance of self-management.  Personal pride, selfishness, or lack of accountability can have fierce costs for the kingdom.  In this way, many churches could probably improve on the "instant salvation" message offered via sinner prayers and the like by teaching a lifestyle of faith in which the Christian, although securely accepted by God, constantly re-examines himself and realigns himself with God and his teachings.

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Now that "Dear Church" has been published, are you finding that there's something you wished you had said that you didn't?

I think Dear Church accurately captures the lesson from that stage of my life.  But I do not plan on allowing the contents of Dear Church to be the grand finale of my spiritual journey.  Since the time the manuscript was finished, I am glad to report, disillusionment seems to have run its course in my life and much healthier, more content days have dawned.

In the future, I have little to no desire to become a trendy voice on disillusionment for my generation--there will and should be other topics as God does other things in me and in our world.  And I pray that my life and my continued commitments firmly on the other side of disillusionment will evidence many other important truths not included in Dear Church.

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Comments

[Andy Rowell]

Thank you Chris and Sarah for the excellent interview. I will refer lots of students and professors to the book this year.

Interesting to see a post from Brian McLaren on Leadership Journal's Out or Ur blog today about the same thing
Family Faith Feud: Why are young adults not finding their places in their parents’ church?. I submitted a comment on there referring people here.

If I had a question for Sarah, it would be this: What are the unique issues that students who attend Christian colleges for when looking for a local church during and after college?

Grace and peace,
andy

Andy Rowell
Taylor University
Department of Biblical Studies and Christian Ministry
Blog: Church Leadership Conversations

[Sarah]

That is an insightful question, Andy. Christian college students face a niche set of challenges that correspond with living in and not simply attending a Christian community.

Let’s start with one central area that stands out from my research/observation.

Christian college students must develop a filtering system for determining whether various types of Christian expressions are bliblical, valid, and healthy.

In many cases, Christian college students spent childhood shaping their faith to meet the expectations and definitions of Christianity emphasized by their local church (or by their parents). In college and adult life, however, they will be exposed to a wider variety of Christian community and expression. A chapel speaker will inevitably interpret a passage of scripture different than their home pastor, a professor will choose a theological position different than their parents, fellow students will express their faith in more or less charismatic, intellectual, social-justice oriented, or relational ways than their peers from home.

The constant need to compare and contrast, to sift and filter all the information and experiences will sometimes feel overwhelming. Some students may react judgmentally, inciting division with those who differ from their hometown version of the faith. Some may become relativistic, accepting anything and everything anyone claims in the name of Christ as equally valid before God.

Because of this, I think colleges should sink significant energy into helping students develop filtering systems. I.e. Into teaching them how to test opportunities and ideas based not JUST on their hometown experience or their college experience, but based on God’s overarching interactions throughout history.

Helping students examine their surroundings using the principles in Scripture, the witness of tradition, the role of mentorship, the promptings of the Holy Spirit, etc. is far more useful than encouraging them to adopt a professor or student development staffer’s passion of choice. I.e. If you familiarize a student with the emergent movement, for example, they will be prepared and willing to succeed in emergent contexts. If you familiarize them with more time-worn principles for discerning God’s hand in a variety of movements, they will be prepared and willing to succeed regardless of time or place.

College campuses are often scaled-down samplings of the global Christian world and its variety. Which is exciting for you! You, and other faculty/staff at Christian colleges, perhaps have one of the most ideal opportunities to see a potential breeding ground for confusion/disillusionment become opportunity to resolve differences/achieve unity. I pray these opportunities develop all over Taylor.

(As a sidenote, I attended your Taylor Leadership Coference as a college student and my uncle--Scott Raymond-- recently began working at Taylor Ft.Wayne.)

[Chris Monroe]

Sarah,

It probably goes without saying that spiritual abuse and the misuse of spiritual authority has wreaked havoc in the modern institutional Church. It's certainly understandable that many twentysomethings stay clear of anyone or anything that smacks of "spiritual authority."

Completely ignoring biblical principles regarding leadership is probably not the answer, but either is the egalitarian notion that every person's "way" of pursuing God, being a disciple, and "being" church is equally valid, regardless of bibliohistorical merit and irrespective of what other believers may think. Sometimes this takes the unspoken position of: "it's my own damn faith and I can practice it however I damn well like, and don't anyone tell me otherwise."

How can twentysomethings grab hold of this tension and affirm their own need for biblical leaders in their lives while avoiding leadership excesses and the sort of egalitarian ridiculousness that keeps them as islands unto themselves?

[Sarah]

Chris, just yesterday, an eighteen year old friend directed me to a related Jimi Hendrix quote: “I'm the one that has to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.”

I suspect many of my peers’ reactions to this quote would capture the spiritual tension you reference. People of all ages, but particularly twentysomethings, tend to reject those who infringe on their freedom. They want to pursue spiritual growth at their own pace and according to their own comfort/yearning. Some of this may reflect a healthy desire to avoid adopting practices/beliefs they don’t truly "own" yet.

However, as you say, the consequences of embracing reckless freedom that has no boundaries, guard rails, or outside direction can clearly develop into a spiritual collision course. If we abuse freedom, thinking that no one should have the right to confront us or instruct us, then we may unintentionally do things that inhibit our freedom in the end. If we get caught up in destructive life cycles, for example, it takes away our peace of mind which prevents us from enjoying our freedom. We become prisoners of our own dysfunctional lifestyles. We lose the very thing we were trying to protect.

As followers of Christ, there are ways to protect and exercise individual freedom in spiritual growth without abandoning all input.

Wise Christians will check their approach to spiritual growth, and other faith ideas, against the safeguards of Scripture, Christian tradition, prayer, and community. If a person is trying to seek God or live out his ideals in a way that is consistent with the Biblical passages about Christian gatherings…and if their aims do not conflict with other Scriptural instruction…then it is appropriate for them to claim “freedom” in trying to express their faith as they see fit. In summary, our quest for freedom must be an informed quest, not a blind one.

If you don't know what freedom is--as defined by God--you will never find it.

[Chris Monroe]

Sarah,

I especially liked how you put this:

"If a person is trying to seek God or live out his ideals in a way that is consistent with the Biblical passages about Christian gatherings…and if their aims do not conflict with other Scriptural instruction…then it is appropriate for them to claim “freedom” in trying to express their faith as they see fit."

And many twentysomethings (and 30 and 40 and 50-somethings) are doing just that (as Barna and others have pointed out so well). This is not a threat -- despite what some "church folks" might think, and I for one am thrilled to partner with and learn from Christian brothers and sisters who are passionately following Christ outside of traditional, institutional expressions of Church.

Again, thanks for all you're doing to help draw more attention to why younger adults (and older ones too) are leaving the institutional Church, disillusioned and disheartened, as well as pointing out that there IS abundant life in Christ outside of traditional congregations.

Blessings,

Chris

[Andy Rowell]

Thanks, Sarah! Like I said above, I'll try to tell people about your book. :-)

[Bro. Bartleby]

Sarah,

I enjoyed the interview, but haven't read your book yet. A kind of ongoing question with me is how does one live in the world but be not of the world. So I wonder how do the twentysomethings that you come into contact with interact or deal with friends or co-workers and others who challenge the very existence of God?

Shalom,
Bro. Bartleby

[Sarah]

Twentysomethings are probably more comfortable engaging people with opposing religious ideas than some previous generations. In one regard, this is a positive skill set developed due to growing up in such a transparent and diverse culture. But in other ways, twentysomethings are perhaps such faithful drinkers of others' worldviews that they eventually lose their sobriety and cannot clearly discern truth for themselves.

Personally, I have encountered very few Americans who seriously debate the existence of God. A 2003 poll by Harris Interactive found that 79% of Americans claimed to believe there is a God, and that 66% are absolutely certain this is true. (Granted, the version of God they claim to believe in may be very different from the Biblical God we seek to follow).

However, many people debate God's principles and choose to live apart from them, which creates unhealthiness.

We could talk for hours about avoiding that unhealthiness and yet penetrating it. And I am a learner alongside you in the process.

Part of my own ability to succeed in this aim depends on my level of awareness. If I learn, for example, to recognize when I am emotionally drained and more prone to failure, I can choose to distance myself from potential spiritual health risks at least temporarily. Sometimes, I simply resolve to return to people or situations when I have more stability and energy to give.

It is also helpful of course to be able to honestly assess my weaknesses. If my personality or my life stage lends me to be weak in a specific error, I live by the mantra of "Error on the side of health."

[Rich]

Hey Sarah,

I am starting an internship at a church in a week. What can I do to be sensitive to the disillusioned? What themes are important that resonate with the twenty-somethings.I hope to get your book soon.

[Dan Wilt]

It still seems that the most beautiful answer is an even more beautiful question.

I'm so pleased with where this book found it's start, and with what many of us are doing to exploit the questions we're all asking to the fullest extent – to bring living beauty and startling hope in the word.

Dan Wilt
Prof. Of Contemporary & Emerging Worship Studies
St. Stephen's University, NB
W http://www.ssu.ca/icews
B http://www.danwilt.com

[Paul Fromont]

Thanks so much Chris and Sarah. Appreciated the interview very much.Look forward to reading and reviewing the book from a New Zealand perspective when I'm able to get a copy.

Take care