Imposing Our Prayers on Others

Prayer is powerful.  Prayer is effective.  Prayer is good.

Furthermore: Prayer is a privilege. Prayer is a responsibility. 

But is prayer always our right?  More specifically, do we always have the right to pray for people -- on-the-spot, out loud and in public, let's say -- whether or not we've asked or gotten their permission?

Is there a point where, if we impose on others our choice to pray for them "right then and there", that we risk offending rather than blessing them; that we risk the fostering of distrust rather than engendering trust?

Do you make it your practice to take charge and pray for people whether or not they are willing participants?  If so, why? Or have you ever been the "other" person, who felt uncomfortable when someone seemingly forced you into praying with them (although they may have ended up doing all the praying anyway)? If so, what was that like?

My personal practice is to always ask someone if I can pray for them, unless the nature of my relationship to them is such that mutual prayer is expected (e.g. mentoring relationships).  However, this is a topic that has always held my interest, and as I've watched others pray for people over the years, I believe it's a topic worthy of our thoughtful evaluation.

So what are your thoughts?

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Comments

[Carl Holmes]

I always get permission to pray with a person. I believe we can misuse the power of prayer and turn off a person, particularly an unbeliever, from prayer by not getting their consent to it. Now of course that is with them in person.

When in my personal prayer life I pray freely and openly for those I know.

We have to be careful to not let it look like prayer is all you need. That is a cop out. Saying I am praying for you, or actually praying with a person can be used as an excuse to say good luck and send them on down the road. Sometimes it is incumbent on you to answer that prayer. God uses his people to minister to his people. The church is a collection of creative people from all walks of life who collectively has the answer to any problem that person may be having.

[jenell]

I'm almost always on the 'being prayed for' side of this story, and the permission I grant is rarely genuine. It's hard to say 'no' to a prayer offer, even when it's coming from a good friend, but it's also hard to change myself into the kind of person who can really get into public, shared, spontaneous, conversational, petitionary prayer.

One of the finest moments of my marriage was, when hospitalized in a dire situation, a friend offered to administer communion to me and my husband. One of us said, "No thanks," and the other said "You know, communion is just about the last thing I need right now." She was offended, as people are when you say 'no, I don't want to pray with you.' But sometimes the truth is that you don't want to pray out loud, conversationally, in the presence of another person. The fact that she was there, caring for us, being our friend -- that brought the presence of Christ into the room. Verbal prayer would be redundant.

[Chris]

Carl,

I'm definitely tracking with you on how easy it is to use prayer as a cop-out or excuse for not helping a person in a substantial way ourselves. Not that prayer isn't "substantial", but when we use it as scapegoat, so that we don't have to meet a person's physical need, it may actually become a shameful act.

Lord, have mercy.

[Chris]

jenell,

Excellent post. I'm so glad that you shared what you did.

When you said: "It's hard to say 'no' to a prayer offer", it reminded me of how subtly manipulative our pushing the issue of prayer can be.

"The fact that she was there, caring for us, being our friend -- that brought the presence of Christ into the room. Verbal prayer would be redundant." -- this was SO POWERFUL, Jenell. Why can't we embrace that reality more often?

Blessings,

Chris

[Carl N.]

I would consider the relational etiquette of praying with someone similar to eating together.

[Chris]

Carl,
"..similar to eating together". That's GOOD.

[Dana Ames]

Or how about praying things for people that, in order to grant, God would have to violate one of the core things about being made in God's image: the ability to choose. We pray like this in all sorts of permutations.

I have been guilty of this. This kind of praying was brought to my attention about ten years ago, and I have seriously re-thought my petitions since then, trying to form them in a way that accounts for the graciousness and generosity of God as well as the "free will" of the person involved. I think it's better to say to God, "I don't know if this is what you want, Lord, but it is what I want- but you see to it according to your mercy..." At least that's honest and allows for God to be working in ways we don't understand and don't have to control.

Love (or prayer) isn't about control. If that's what we think, we don't understand love and God's sovereignity aright.

Dana

[Chris]

Dana,
Thanks for sharing. Great insights. Your "seasoning" is both encouraging and helpful.

Blessings,

Chris

[Seraphim]

Hey Chris.

I always ask permission first. I just think it's the 'Christian' think to do. The Holy Spirit is a gentleman, I think we should follow his example.

I especially like to pray in the spirit of the Prayer of the Optina Elders.

LYB

Seraphim

[Chris]

"The Holy Spirit is a gentleman"

Seraphim, I've always liked this idea. And I agree with you.

I'm not familiar with the "Prayer of the Optina Elders." Can you enlighten?

[Bald Man]

Chris,
This seems to have something in common with the conversation we were having on Easter greetings. It comes back to this: It is really about serving, blessing and loving the other person OR is it about expressing myself? When those two are in conflict, which one wins out?

[Chris]

Bald Man,

I vote for always letting love win out.