In the Valley of the Shadow of Death...
February 13, 2007
The valley of the shadow of death...
Not a place I enjoy visiting.
A place where you "feel" alone and vulnerable even though you "know" you're not.
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The death of a loved one is strange that way, messing with the syncrinizing of head and heart (for lack of a better way to put it right now). The shock and numbness associated with the loss of a loved one often lasts for a couple of months, and leaves you wanting to "feel normal" but unable to get there somehow.
I've been in this valley before. Several times: when my grandmother died during my sophmore year in High School; when my grandfather died during my undergrad years; when our 1-1/2 yr. old middle child died in tragic accident; and when my father died suddenly three months later. And for reasons I don't entirely understand, when you lose a loved one the experience tends to reopen the wound of those already gone. This seems to only intensify the sense of pain and loss at the present.
Paradoxically, however, the valley of the shadow of death is also a place where God's presence seems stronger, his grace more visable, and the prayers of friends are mysteriously felt. And it's in light of these realities that I'm left wondering why I want out of this valley so badly.
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Photo credit: © Rene Mansi, iStockphoto.com
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I feel with you, Chris. For what it's worth, you sound like a person who has dealt with a lot of experiences and feelings and the picture that comes to my mind is of a computer rebooting, checking whether all is there that should be there.
As a person who's had a metallic taste in his mouth for longer than he cares for, I can understand you wanting to leave this valley of the shadow of death. It's not a wholesome place for anybody. The prayers of friends and the presence of God is a beacon of light to help us out of our dark times. I expect you'll find them with you still, once you've found your way out.
Posted by: Carlos | February 14, 2007 at 02:30 AM
You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope.
With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you.
Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
(Mt 5,3-4, The Message)
It's a paradox, isn't it?
Posted by: + simonas | February 14, 2007 at 03:05 AM
Carlos,
thank you for the kind words and encouragement. You're certainly right about the prayers of friends and God's presence.
Blessings,
Chris
Posted by: Chris | February 14, 2007 at 05:31 PM
+simonas,
paradoxical, indeed. That's a great passage from The Message. Thank you!
Blessings,
Chris
Posted by: Chris | February 14, 2007 at 05:33 PM
Chris,
As I am listening to your heart and feeling your sorrow, the Lord has laid this scripture on my heart to give to you:
And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
Romans 8:26-28
Take your time through this season and soak in all the goodness that the Lord has for you. Remember, He is the Lifter of our heads!
Blessings,
Michelle
Posted by: michelle | February 15, 2007 at 08:14 AM
Michelle,
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement, and for reminding me of the Romans passage (very powerful).
Blessings!
Chris
Posted by: Chris | February 15, 2007 at 01:59 PM
Chris, as I buried my Father just this Sunday, I think I know how you feel. That blessing from the Beatitudes keeps popping into my head: "Blessed are those who mourn. They will be comforted." Blessed now?! Perhaps of all the reasons that you counted? I dunno..
Posted by: + simonas | February 20, 2007 at 11:10 PM
In difficult times, especially times of grief, I cling to Romans 8:18; the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing to the glory that is to be revealed in us. Chris (and simonas) I hope you can find as much comfort in that word as I do.
Posted by: Brother Theophilus | February 21, 2007 at 10:35 AM
In my experience, even in the valley of the shadow of death there is still Light. Without the light there would be no shadows; only darkness. Even in grief there is grace.
Posted by: Rhonda | February 23, 2007 at 07:44 PM
+simonas -- thank you for the encouragement. You're in my prayers during your time of loss. God bless you!
Brother Theophilus -- Rom. 8:18 revitalizes my hope. Thank you!
Rhonda -- "even in grief there is grace"... well put, and thanks be to God that is it true.
Blessings,
Chris
Posted by: Chris | February 26, 2007 at 03:47 PM